Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hospital Bloopers

Click on the image so you can read it. Pretty fuckin' hilarious.

Sunday, November 28, 2010


From: carol bea
Sent: Thu 11/25/10 11:33 AM

Happy Birthday Brother
You are now an "Elder"
I need to touch the hem of one of your garments.
Hope you don't mind sharing the day with a turkey.
Greg and Carol

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Yvette at 15

NY Tourists

Posted on FB:
11/24/2010 1:04PM

Off topic but had to ans your post about new york tourists, we lived in Sedona Arizona for years and tourists were the bane of the town, but we were constantly reminded that their money was important to our ecomony. we visited New york a few years ago, used the subways to get a true New York experience. we learned not to ask white people for directions as most of them didn't speak english, if they did they were in a hurry and not helpfull. The black people all spoke english and were friendly and helpfull.In my experience, it's smart to be friendly to the person that feeds you. Thankyou to all the African Americans who helped make our vacation an enjoyable one.


Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Rocketman at SFO

Snow in the Night

Note to reader:
This isn't a very funny email in itself, like the previous ones, but I thought it worth showing. This is the snowy view from my parents' front porch in Seattle. It has snowed in Seattle. It has snowed in Missoula, where my sister is. Both places have several inches, if not feet of snow. I don't remember the last time we had snow in Seattle in November. It would always rain on my birthday, never snow. Missoula I've never been to, snow might be typical there, whatever.

All I have to really say about this is, New York City is 60 degrees and sunny today. I'm wearing flip flops and a light sweatshirt.

Ha. Ha.

Monday, November 22, 2010

another one!

Sent: Mon 11/22/10 1:38 AM
To: Bethany Bea; Marissa Bea

Dear Beth, and Marissa,
I'm letting Marissa in on our informal tracking of those coincidences where you hear or see something for the first time, and then again almost immediately in an unrelated context. (What's a good word for those?) Here's another: today at work I was reading some magazine article and it referred to seagulls "laughing" at some people. Think about the seagull sound - it is like a laugh. But I don't think I've ever heard that expression before. Just now on the 10:00 news there was a story about a man proposing at the waterfront and the ring fell and bounced in to the Sound. You guessed it - the man felt the seagulls were laughing at him.

Love and chills,

Saturday, November 20, 2010

RE: rocket man

Well thank God it was only road cinders or we would not be having this
entertaining thread going on!!! I can hardly wait to see what kind of
free-association threads we get when you guys are retired!!!!



From: carol bea
Sent: Friday, November 19, 2010 1:59 PM

I believe you owed me for shooting you, in the neck, with a shotgun air-rifle filled with road cinders, when you were about five years old.
I believe I told you to "MOVE"............and you didn't.


On Fri, Nov 19, 2010 at 1:11 PM, Laura Capellaro wrote:

and men wonder what we're thinking.... your right carolyn he's a nut! Oh yep it's me ...apparently I fell off the earth agaain and 277 e-mails later (have to figure out a quicker way to delete junk) I missed killer goats (what rabbit ?) ,a fire, old farts, greg in HAWAII, and a tick warning! I'll try to start fresh with Thanksgiving... Happy Thanksgivng! L :)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

RE: Tough times ahead

From: Marissa Bea
Sent: Mon 11/15/10 5:30 PM
To: Bethany Bea; Home); Carolyn Bea

BUT, you don't actually know if this is the mother looking for work you know. This could be the father looking for extra money to help out. In which case, despite the obvious lack of a proper grasp on grammar, this could be a hard working citizen just looking to make a better life for his new baby.

Geez, why are you SO judgmental?



From: Bethany Bea
Sent: Wed 11/17/10 4:50 PM
To: mommy; Marissa Bea; STEVEN BEA

I admit, I figured it was the mom. I still do. Can't say why, it just feels like a girl behind those words. But, whether it's a single mom or a father with good intentions, I meant to press the point that times will be tough because they are obviously so, so stupid.



Sent: Tue 11/16/10 7:49 PM
To: Marissa Bea

Hi Sweetheart,
But first, on the msn home page today they had a link to "most popular jobs in America" (really, the ones with the most people; I don't think "food service worker" is really popular), and there I learned that there are 131.5 million people in the labor force in America, out of about 310 million people, and of them 1170 are "geographers". I tell you this because you are so sharp at geography. It was not one of the most "popular" jobs, being 0.0000088 percent of the labor force. I clicked on "geographers" to see what they do, and found an ad to hire a "highly innovative" geographer for a "natural resources intelligence " company. Don't know what that job would involve, but probably not reciting African capitals.
I put $250 in your account today for your health care premium.
your Daddy

P.S. I shifted things from my old fallen-apart wallet today to a new one. I had 3 pictures of you; 2 of them, I couldn't tell which was more recent. I have dates on your sister's pics. Maybe you can help me in December.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

RE: Babel

From: Marissa Bea
Sent: Fri 11/12/10 11:19 AM
To: Home; Bethany Bea

Every day when I ride the subway, the majority of people are not speaking English. It's usually Spanish, but I hear a lot of Greek, German, Hebrew, Chinese and Korean. Yeah, I know what each of those sounds like now. I can pick out Russian, Japanese (well, duh), Arabic, Hindi, Italian and French too. Not that I can understand anything. But I can read Subway Spanish (all the signs in the subway cars written in Spanish).

Did you know that Queens is the most ethnically diverse county in the entire United States? It's also one of the most ethnically diverse place in the whole world, for its size. I have more friends in Queens that were not born in this country than who were, and probably a good half of everyone I know is bilingual, some of which came as a shock to me.

You know what's funny, everyone is all pissy about immigration policy and lots of people think that there are too many immigrants taking jobs away from citizens, but on a day to day basis, it's the freaking tourists who aren't even here to stay that make everyone really angry. Unfortunately they practically hold this city on its feet with all their spending, but I'll be damned if they aren't more useless than any immigrant I've met. They slow down your day, and most of them act like they've never seen a street sign before. Granted they can't read English, but really? If I know I'm going to another country, I'd make an effort to learn enough about where I'm going so I don't get lost every five seconds. That seems to make logical sense.

Can you tell I hate tourists? New York tourists are the worst. You know everyone jokes about the Japanese tourists on the west coast? Oh man, here it's the Europeans. Dear god.


From: Bethany Bea
Sent: Mon 11/15/10 4:45 PM
To: Marissa Bea; STEVEN BEA; mommy

Oh my god. You're a REAL New Yorker now! I'm pretty sure loathing tourists is the last step in the transformation. You've already played chess with the geezers in the park and you're never home. AND you're part of an art movement. Hurry up and come back to the west coast where the stimuli are gentler. You know. Forests and sunshine. By the by, Santa Barbara tourists were no joke, either. There, I was confronted with the sight of thousands in ridiculous sandals and Hawaiian shirts, even though California is patently not Hawaii (though it is jealous of Hawaii and plans to move there someday). The tourists who come to Montana, however, fancy themselves adventurous and shop the shit out of REI then go like a mile into the woods and get eaten. Justice? Were it legal, I'm sure New Yorkers would eat their own tourists.


Tough Times Ahead

Uh...found this ad in Craigslist...Thought Marissa might get a laugh, and mom and dad could think long and hard about the kind of daughter they could have had.

will do any kinda work baby on way (hamilton)Date: 2010-07-22, 3:33PM MDT
Reply to: job-rutzg-1857656567@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

im 24 have a baby due in sept and bills and everything else to do with a kid fast aproching im looking for any kinda work u may have i have years of pruning and tree planting experience. my father ownes his own hole sale nursery so iv done tree triming pruning planting ext my hole life. i have experiance on heavy equipment tractors lawn moers i worked at black thunder cole mine am msha certified have drove those big dump truck u only get to see on the discovery channel. i have 3 years on call work experience details cars i have done a few months worth of turning wrenches in shops and oil changes im a back yard mechanic. im looking for just about any kinda work. let me know if u have anything at all it really doesnt matter to me what it is at this point. please e-mail call or txt any time 406-210-2351


Mountain Dangers

Holy shit, Marissa, another goat murder just 2 years ago? I had no idea. As far as checking out the dangers before taking young children on trails, if I had seen a head of goats up a trail, I would have rushed back excitedly saying "C'mon kids, hurry! There's GOATS up this trail!" Now I realize that would be like saying "C'mon kids, hurry! There's GRIZZLY BEARS up here! Let's go feed 'em!" I'm a bad parent. Now, why does it make you think of Monty Python. You're not thinking of the vicious rabbit that killed half of the Grail Knights before they pulled out the Holy Hand Grenade, are you?
Bad Dad


From: Marissa Bea
To: [many family emails removed]
Subject: RE: mountain dangers
Date: Fri, 22 Oct 2010 08:41:13 -0700

So, you don't check out the dangers of these hiking routes before you take young children onto them? That's just great. Apparently no one is safe, see article below.


The idea of being killed by a goat totally makes me think of Monty Python. Dad, why is that?


From: Home
To: [many family emails, removed]
Subject: mountain dangers
Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2010 20:20:54 -0700

Hi EVeryone,
Did you all see the story just a few days ago about the man in the Olympics who was killed by a mountain goat? At first I thought he must have been startled and fallen or something, but no, he was GORED in the thigh and bled to death before a helicopter got to him. That made me think of our hike in the Goat Rocks a few years ago when we were surrounded by goat herds. Or Bethany feeding M&Ms to a goat up in the Enchantments. Who knew we were in mortal danger? I just read that grizzly bears killed fewer than 20 people in the whole 20th century. Wonder if anybody else has the distinction of being killed by a goat?
And just tonight, I read that they are rescuing people from the top of Mt. Whitney by helicopter. From the "shelter" at the summit. Chris, do you remember seeing a shelter at the summit? Me neither.

Almond Rice

Hi Sweetheart,

Here it is:
Ingredients: 1/3 cup slivered almonds; 5 cups water; several chicken bouillon cubes, or 2 cups chicken broth and 3 cups water instead of 5 cups water, or hey, it works with just water; 1 cup arborio rice; 2 tablespoons butter; 1/2 tsp salt; 1/4 tsp pepper or whatever; some green onions finely chopped; 2 tsps lime juice, or lemon juice.
I) Toast the almonds in a dry skillet about 5 mins until they just start to turn golden. Set aside.
II) Bring the water/bouillon to boil in a big-enough saucepan. Add the rice and cook uncovered 15 mins., turning the flame down to medium for a low boil. Test the rice for "al dente" (look it up). Drain and put back into hot pan.
III) Melt the butter in the hot rice. Stir in green onion, salt , pepper, lime juice and cover and set aside 5 mins. Stir the almonds into the rice just before serving.

Usually I make 50% more, cuz I love it!


Walking Directions from Seattle to Canberra

Thought I'd NEVER get out of Japan!!!!!




That walking trip to Canberra is a scream! I have to know, is it real? I mean, if I ask mapquest to plot me a walk to Canberra from here, will it actually spit out what you sent? "Kayak across Pacific Ocean"? That must have been added. But it's so real. It's just what I get when use mapquest to go to California. "Go 2 blocks to I-5 ramp. Go 1300 miles..."

Thanks, and Love,


Hi daughters,

On Monday I was on the B pod of our unit and I noticed that of the 5 patients we had, there were only 2 English speakers. Others were Korean, Spanish, and Hebrew. A minority of English speakers. On Wednesday I was on the C pod, and I suddenly realized that out of 6 patients, there was one English speaker. The others were Spanish, Cantonese, Russian, Punjabi, and Greek. It isn't always that variegated there, but I decided that must be one of the things that I like about Harborview.
Tomorrow morning I go in for 2 fillings and a crown. Your Mom had a sudden knee swelling yesterday. Marissa has a strained triceps and a sore foot. Beth, I hear you have a pulled hamstring. Let's all pray for each other!


Rocket Man

Hi Everyone, and especially Greg,

Greg, I realized today how you almost got killed by that rocket when we were about 11 years old. It was my fault. Today I was getting my crown at the dentist, and they asked if I wanted to watch a DVD overhead and I said no, because I didn't want the dentist watching TV while drilling my mouth, so I had to entertain myself mentally, so I ruminated on my rocket fleet, recalling what features they had, etc. The one that targeted you was the pride of the fleet, 2 stages with a payload and a parachute! You remember how the first stage blasted off, then it cruised up further, flipped over, then the second stage ignited blasting it between your legs? See, the booster engine blasts downward until the fuel is almost burnt, then the last bit of fuel blasts UP to separate the booster and ignite the second stage. But the second stage engine burns its fuel, then burns some neutral matter to give a COUPLE SECOND DELAY so the rocket can finish coasting before the final UP blast deploys the parachute. You wouldn't want the parachute to pop out while the rocket is still streaking upward. I can't believe I would make a mistake like this, but I must have put a second stage engine in the booster. What else could it be?
So, Greg, sorry about that. Glad I didn't kill you. You can tell Mom now.

Your bro,